Total Immersion Backlash!

As you all probably know, I've been living in Austria for quite some time now. Spending so much time here has given me the wonderfully opportunity to be totally immersed in the language and culture, allowing me to pick up on subtleties and nuances previously unnoticed during my three month stint in Salzburg in the year 2002. Until now, I've been highly reserved, polite, and über-conscious of what my friends and colleagues think of me. Of course it is a good idea to make a good first impression and play it safe until one is pretty well settled in. Well, that was me until now! This new attitude came as something of a revelation to me last weekend in Vienna after spending a good deal of time with other Americans for the first time in months. My friend Ludwig was particularly insightful. Yes, I know, Ludwig is not an American name... but he is half American and half Austrian and grew up in the States. He recently transferred from Ohio University to a college in Vienna. He has been here for about the same amount of time that I have. It was great to see him again and catch up on each others' lives while maintaining an Athens connection. He told me he was feeling a bit frustrated with his life here, explaining "I am really attached to an American mentality that I never realized was so important to me until now". I identified with his sentiments. The mentality here is very complex and somewhat contradictory in some senses. Yes, Europeans are very socially liberal and more tolerant of things like nudity for example, but they are also extremely reserved in some ways. Americans have a very independent and individualist attitude that simply doesn't exist here. They are highly conscious of social conventions and worry constantly about how others' perceive them. I have been striving to fit into this mode since my arrival at the expense of my individuality. Ludwig's case in point: "I was at H & M and I wanted to try on a pair of pants, but the line for the dressing room was about a mile long. I just took off my pants and tried them on right there in the store. My boyfriend (an Austrian) wasn't with me, but if he had been I know he would have died of embarrassment". It's true- I can't imagine a European doing such a thing, and I wouldn't have even considered doing such a thing here. I've been considering his conundrum and bravery and decided that it was a good lesson for me. I already have good friends here, I've managed to impress my colleagues, and I feel like I've done my fair share of conforming. Now, it's time for the REAL Arthur Cornwell to break loose! I went to a party at the Fachhochschule and danced like a crazy fool with reckless abandon, ignoring the strange looks and making fun of myself and the music simultaneously. My friends were impressed and highly amused, and barely known acquaintances must think I'm crazy. I wear mismatched socks again. I'm using an article from The Onion entitled "School Shooting Solves All of Youth's Problems" to teach about youth problems and violence in the United States. I made prank phone calls in the dormitory with Sandra last night. I miss the old, irreverent, goofy, AMERICAN me. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Europe and the Austrian people. But, I am an American. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm daring to be different and it's improving my life. And Ludwig is right, there are some very good things about the American attitude (although some very bad things as well. I'm trying to take the good). I've noticed a new enthusiasm in my teaching and my friends find me more amusing ("du warst der einzige auf der Party der witzig war!!" -Marina). Thanks Marina!!

In other news, I'm officially submitting my application for a second year's extension tomorrow so that it gets to the appropriate authorities before the 1 February deadline. I still don't want to come back. I'm just discovering the joys of immersion backlash after a long period of timid conformity.